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Emil

by Ricky Nappi

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1.
The Open 08:08
I'm sorry it took me so long....again Polish my Pulitzer, pull a trigger and aim at me. Please pardon patience, my pain is painted and plain to see. Now that that's out of the way; Let's get to why we're all here. Let me get my puzzle straight, I'll paint a picture and me it clear. (It's me...)I come from concrete, backbone, pendulum. The things I've never said don't amount to the things I've said to them So welcome to my newest show, newest me, as flow. New is old, noose around the truth I feel like you should know that... Life is faster than the speed of a jet So this is my last will and testament of the things I regret And from in my past, it's just an estimate of the things I forget It's like my night class on the part of me that I wish that I kept. For every so close (so close), Could've had it and almost there A moment to know that it's almost fair, almost common, always rare. Come and check my alchemy, verbal fiberoptics. I'm so sick I'll makes you nauseas, I'm addicted to different topics And I figure with all of my loses that I'm due for a win So it's my truth-inducing proof that you should move with the wind If you get confused then you should use a clues and do it again I improved my view to choose the few of whom I knew was a friend; And it made me lose so many people, that I almost lost my mind again. Defying science, smoking hydro pump, I fire bend All black; Kylo Ren Mixing it with hydrogen The flyest pen, Tell these rappers: "Clean up on Aisle 10" I learned from Slick Rick, Raekwon and Mobb Deep I'll be Top 3 when they stop me, they just talk cheap like a swap meat And it's got me, to the point, that I don't look back on the drinks that I've spilled For all of my hope and all of my guilt For every beat that I've ever killed I can still feel that, open mind I peel back If the throne is open I'll steal that, you can chill back with this real rap, where's the skill at? Um, what now? No look... touchdown. So high I could touch clouds and somehow I just ride this beat like a bus route. Ha, how's that for humble? Run it back I never fumble rap it fast and never mumble Up to bat I'm up to trouble, yeah. It's the same picture from the first four bars. This is zodiac with rap man, I work those stars. Still the one winged angel, I apologize for what I lack With so much love for rap I'm bound to have a heart attack. I hope you feel small when you stand next to the ocean. At least I put it all out in the open. All out in the... Open.... Ain't that the truth? In the Open... I tried to find a way to hide my pride and shy away In the Open... I'm a walking target, starving artist hard to hide this In The Open.. You can find me in the... Open, or find me in the spine of your rhymebook. If I could rewind time and try to find the lines my mind took... I'd probably find, everything I've ever asked for And what my time wondering what was behind that last door So here's the truth in you, the loosest screw is usable Play my role like The Crucible I hope that I'm not losing you A little gun play for the shot-lickers You know the more that I rhyme the more that the plot thickens, I'm not with it. Less is more, I guess I just don't understand Caught up in the undertow, I tried to get the upper hand. I'm smoking on some lumber and I'm trying to find my slumber man, summer jam, nothing takes me back like summer can. Lace it up with poetry, say my name so they know it's me No holy ghost or rosary, I'm frozen cold, woe is me Dope like potency, hide it under a cloak and see know it goes with a local fee I'll poke a hole in any kind of open seat. I'm Dwayne Wade I fade away the day my name is called. Paved the way for playing ball, Stay involved in slaying y'all. Do this for my son because I'm proud of my kid. I live my life behind bars, never made it out of my bid. Pull the sword from the earth just so I can set it in stone The beauty isn't in holding something, it's letting it go. Yeah, I tried to fix it even when it wasn't broken... But at least i put it all out in the open Open.... Ain't that the truth? In the Open... I tried to find a way to hide my pride and shy away In the Open... I'm a walking target, starving artist hard to hide this In The Open.. You can find me in the...
2.
Everybody 04:20
Uh... Open sesame, Mark another "x" for me You and I can dive into my specialty I write it like an open book, so I'm just hoping you can see It seems this rap shit isn't as easy as it used to be for me I mean... I use to know the map and where to find it My compass has no direction now and I lost the climate I know that there's a mountain, I don't know if I can climb it I'll just hide it in the rhymes and hope that everyone rewinds it. I guess I lost the pressure I must've lost the pleasure I should start at the beginning before I waste another lecture 'Cause I was just a child with shoulders bound to crack But I was vicious with the synonyms before I found the rap But after that I had to chase it, I started out as basic You can't build foundation for a house without a basement I would write until I couldn't write no more and then erase it And now it's like... all I write about is time I wasted Back then I wasn't trying to please so many people The things you love the most will always be the most deceitful By the time I was twelve, I had lost my sense of self That's when I started putting my lyrics above my health That's when I started trying to be somebody that I didn't even wanna be Just to get away from all the ghosts that ever haunted me Words are life and I've been giving them up And all these other rappers out here just living it up. Everybody that be living it up... To everybody that be living it up... Everybody that be living it up... To everybody that be living it up... Everybody that be living it up Ain't really living at all It's time to paint another picture make it vivid for y'all. I put everything I have in this and nothing ever happened.... Let's reevaluate my need for rapping: It started as a weapon, then became a mask When I look into the future I can only see my past I'd be lying through my teeth but the words would be biting back So I get this like...anxiety when I try to write a track And it's because I put too much in it I put all of my trust in it I still can't get enough of it and I must admit I think I lost the love of it. You're just a tool in the hands of a builder Instagram me a filter, I'm a family man hand me a realtor My life story that I hand to you in written form And when my son listens than he'll know who it was written for. So this verse is for him and you... Life's a mystery except for these hidden clues that I'm giving you Living through every minute you get a few little interviews And pick and choose from the bad times because there's been a few Tell the truth like, I'm the one the been accused Brand new tennis shoes I'm looking for the finish too Yeah... Somedays I wonder if I wasted time My high school diploma got replaced with making lines Learn a lot patience when you learn to make a statement rhyme Takes a lot of pavement just to maintain a stable spine The angle I take is mine all this shit blasphemy Someone spend some cash for me And try to do it casually I'll even push an ounce if need be I can't leave rap alone cause the game needs me So in counclusion, it's all just an illusion Its always super effective I hurt myself in my confusion Huh, you get what you give and I think I've given enough And all these other rappers out here just 'living it up'.
3.
What A Day 3 05:23
What A day it's been Everything has changed again I paint the perfect picture but I left it with no frame to bend So How the hell am I suppose to be the perfect man? My purpose was person with a certain knack for turning hands. Alice in wonderland, lo and behold. I've been frozen in the moment but I'm never this cold. River Queen I'm just a jack, I just never could fold So with ⁴ need and every act, I'm what the veteran rolled. When I get old, I guess that my life into an avalanche. A penny for your thoughts... I never had a chance Your a fruit upon the tree I couldn't grab a branch And awkward footing aside, I'm kinda glad that we had a dance. All purpose you're the cause of all these verses Have a ball and grab your purses you're afraid of being worthless. I think were the audience and you needed the show. But I need you to know that I only thought you needed to grow. For every person I've hurt And all the people I need. For all the time that I've wasted while I've been smoking this weed. This one's for you.... (What a day it's been I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can amends) For all the hope that I've given. And all the reasons I blame. To every person that I've healed. And all the people in pain. This one's for you... (What a day it's been I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can make amends) We all know that time froze from the moment that I saw you . Hook, line and sinker I don't need a name to call you. Dug a couple trenches that I tried to help you crawl through. I can't really even help what set of arms you choose to fall to. But I'm a pawn and I guess that makes you the chess board. I wanted you to be yourself I never could expect more. And Miss- I could give you kisses til your fucking necks sore But I could never be the key that opens up the next door. It's kinda funny ain't it, probably really coulda really made it Hatred with no place to aim it, guess it's all just what you make it. I asked her if she hated me then why would she stay with me? And that's about the time she walked away from me. I think you lost the answer mama, somewhere in the give and take. You demonstrate the ebb and break and never have to hesitate. The holiest of holys and your white as a ghost. Don't try to get close, I've gotta another lie to expose. For every bridge that I've burned And every friend that I've lost For shot and every bottle And whatever it cost This ones for you... (What a day it's been I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can make amends) For all the moments I left. And all the times that I ran. For everyone who understands I do the best that I can. This ones for you... (What a day it's been I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can make amends) I've lost a lot of love and loved a lot of what I lost I've learned a lot of what I've got I sacrifice it like a cross And often now, more than then, I can see it in my sleep I'm gonna need a little faith before I take another leap. Yeah, what a life Its been. You should check the price again. I'll put it in these verses with a flow as chill as nitrogen It might've been the Vicodin, but that was so long ago... You would think I've memorized my rights, with all the wrong I know. The truth is... I was never who I claim to be. I hope your gun is aimed at me, I'm still here waiting patiently For you to see that fire doesn’t burn without some air And what you did to me just isn't fair…. It's whatever though, there's three sides to everybodies story if you listen close. And I aint going anywhere, you'll never have to miss a ghost. Give and go mentality I'll see you when I'm sleeping. I've spent too much time in the deep end. The same damn mile that I started in the first one. Isnt close to over even though I've had my first son. Life is still like a gun, I just leave it empty now I'm just hoping someone here can let me down. For every woman I've loved. And every city I've built. For every time I felt like I could kill myself with the guilt This ones for you... (What a day it's been I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can make amends) For every fan that I have. And every breathe that I take. For anyone who's ever felt like they just needed a break. This ones for you... (What a day its been, I spent it trying to save a friend I built a bridge and made it bend I hope that we can make amends)
4.
Who ya really think you are? Who ya think you wanna be? Who ya really wanna know? Who can even really see? Who ya thinking 'bout now? Who ya lost on the way Who ya really think you are? Wait…Wait…Wait…Wait… Did I just hear somebody say the wanna challenge me here? With a little bit of talent tallied on his abacus here Back and forth with Uncle O because we havn't this year My lack of passion is clear, its not just an irrational fear Did you really think that you could? Keep me from speaking? They know I'm outspoken I love to inhale what ever smoke that doubt is cloaked in Soak it in, I hope you catch a lesson here We don’t even mess with fear, I hope this makes the message clear Still pulling strings even if I put the pick down Better get rid of my editor all the kids would say I'm lit now Big ups and sit downs, someone's should decipher this This ones for all my Ifrits and Osiris' I'm goin' where the lighting is And with a little bit of Luck involved, I might hear the thunder I always talk to her like I havn't seen her Tumbler But I confess honestly, you just gotta ask me now The torch is in my chamber and I see no need to pass it down Rappin like a satellite, way above the atmosphere And if the earth was flat, I could see that from here Casually attack it like I…. I don’t even know kid These are a just a few things I was hoping you had soaked in Chainsaw rhythm rap, I still hear the clock tower There's a reason for the rhymes and it is not power Brand new headline: I'm sorry that I'm not there They were not lying when they said that life is not fair One
5.
Sorry for all my causal backgrounds I think the less you know the better - I just grew up in Sac town With a lot of written letters put the pen and the pad down Seen alotta different weather When I'm spitting Im mad now... Cause I can't tell if I love it or hate it I Hate making the payments I'm so sick of the statements I've had all the patience I don't want no one to know I had to bluff And I still haven't had enough I want It in the open I hope you know I lied I'm not what you hoped Youre not what I described Look I wrote it in the verses, this shit is all a Scam So I guess it's you Vs. where I've been and where I am They use to wanna hear it I wonder if they will now Bonfiya blaze, Uncle Arp burn a hill down I hope that you pay all the attention it'll cost you I don't want no one here to know I ever lost you. Cause if they do then it's true, I guess this one is for you I don't want no one to know, I didn't know what to do (oh) I think I might've forgotten a sentence last time (oh) Turn these thoughts into visions out of my past times (oh) shine like a prism, it isn't nothing to pass time (oh) Bonds like a chemist, a sure incentive to grasp life (oh) holy smokes brother what have we here (oh) another dose of life, I shed an average tear does it Still feel the same? Or has it changed like the gears do put it in the rearview Driving as we near truth Cause if they do then it's true, I guess this one is for you I don't want no one to know, I didn't know what do
6.
Pow Pow 05:14
A couple notes on my past that I wrote for you, son Slow it down, like I'm from Houston, do sum'n Still getting stoned like I'm looking into Medusa's eyes Lookin for the balance between the truth and lies. Exhale. I learned to build my first pistol when I was eight Theyll unload a whole clip and never even hold it straight Got some cracks in my armory and food is on my plate So if time is on my side then tell me why I'm always late. Huh, yet another riddle life has put me in the middle of ...repeat myself just like a ripple does I'm a belittle buzzed We all know that I have a problem with moderation Stacking syllables calling it consolidation I'll be patient in the darkest depth I've ever swam I hope admitting all this shit makes me a better man As if that's all that it would take. They call it a hiatus I was calling it a break. I tailor made these bullets and theres room inside the chamber Now everyone's a shooter I don't feel like I'm in danger Keep it on my hip and let it *beep* like it's a pager Rearranger, put some anger on the paper and just let it spray... So save this lesson for another day and keep it safe The front door is open if you ever need a place My guns are priceless, your guns are worthless Your guns are scared money my guns are verses. My guns go boom boom Your guns go pow pow I got the wild style, I got the wild style I love my moon for showing me what the sun'll do Keep searching for the things then realize they're right in front of you She's a sniper, you'll meet someone just like her And when you get your hands around her handle I just hope you grip her tighter Cause I... I think I've been a little gun-shy If you really want it bad you gotta give it more than one try And when she's aiming down this barrel, she always closes one eye I'm prolly just another target for her. Some live and some die. But anyway... The way she got me in her sights you'd think she had a beam I'll polish her today and read her like a magazine Sawed off smile, semi automatic past Gun safety 101, I'm sitting in her class Keep her in a diamond case tell me I don’t care alot Shots in the dark it doesn't matter if you're there or not She keeps it stable, put the legs of the stand down And even if I wanted to escape I never planned how Made in america, how could she be realer? I even need a license to conceal her, I can feel her. And she got infinite ammo I used a cheat code I hope she never wants to reload. But if she ever does I keep the hollow points around A vest can't save me from the quickest draw in town And when I finally got her, and hit her in a the chest She shot me in the brain and then she wished me all the best. She a piece of work My guns go boom boom Your guns go pow pow I got the wild style, I got the wild style
7.
Worn 03:05
I hope they bury me somewhere that no one likes to walk Nowadays I don't say much for somebody who likes to talk She recalls a conversation, something something narcissistic I know I hardly visit, pardon me the arts explicit Little bit of this and that missing Listen and I'll give it back kissing This one mightve been what it isn't Christen every twist with precision You should... Learn from all my mistakes ill even sign a copy Alot on my mind I apologize if I'm rhyming sloppy Still the coldest and hottest I guess I'm neutral then Give a damn about whatever group your in I'm use to them Abuse a pen or keyboard til it's begging me for mercy Slowly approaching thirty it's crazy that I'm still thirsty And on an unrelated note I've never been afraid if ghosts Alone but I'm the greatest host I guess that I should raise a toast To you (you) and the words you love to say I think I'll probably stay so get the fuck outta my way like.... [Hook] So I'll protect my neck before I end up in paralysis Mr. Yin and Yang so unaware of where the balance is I guess the reality is it's been here the whole time I can't tell if my mind is like a mine field or a gold mine Lemme show mine like it's go time all of you rappers are pissing me off I'm sitting inside of a different division and wishing that one of you bitches would cough Cause...if you did, I'd have a reason to retaliate This is just another thing I'll prolly have to calibrate Uno [Hook]
8.
My condolences, there's so much to make up for Sometimes I forget this whole thing and what it was for I'm shaking off the dust more, trying to get the pieces back Trying to figure out what I see and what I need from rap And even that is keeping back potential in me dying I'm tired of not complying I'm tired of not providing I'm doing this to show you the person that you shouldn't be And to show you that there's still alot of good in me One the day I met you I knew that I'd never leave you alone Anchor me down to earth I always needed a home And I bet... I spent alot of blood tears and sweat Sometimes I even forget the moment we first met If I recall correctly it was the middle of spring The first time that I heard you sing made me feel like I was a king, uh. I could tell from that moment that you were different from my past patients Classic Ricky, falling in love at gas stations I knew that I could love you You knew that you could hate me now (hate me now) There's like fifty different ways to break it down When I met you I knew that it would absolutely change everything. I've cut some trees down and now I'm counting every ring Cause people seldom do They tied my hands with rope And any rapper that wants it can get some cannon smoke I'm off the reservation, when I met you I... Took some steps in your direction you can testify Put away my weapons and lessened the way specialize In hoping, when you wrote your list of names, that you mentioned mine. ...But I'm a wishful thinker You never hit your blinker when your turning right And I think that's why things are getting bleaker. I hope you always tell the truth to me I knew I loved you from the very moment you were introduced to me That's just my intuition I could be wrong though Heartbeat be flat, played the wrong note ...If you fall I'll always find a way to catch you Thats why I'm thinking about the day I met you. And I'm still saying... I knew that I could love you You knew that you could hate me now (hate me now) There's like fifty different ways to break it down I gotta tell you man, it's been an honor I was going down with my own ship before I even met your daughter I was in heavy water, she's STILL my light house You traveled like me but managed to find the right routes And I apologize for things I didn't say I didn't treat her like a peer, I wasn't keeping her at Bay And I would give her every thing if she would ever let me stay But we both know that tides change like, every other day. But if you hear this I hope you know that I love her to death She was the one that got away I couldn't even catch my breath I prolly used the wrong bait I never knew about the net But she's the mother of my child that's something I don't regret Man, when I met you i thought that I could hold it down And in a round about I think I got my wish That's why I always shake your hand when I come around .....It's kinda funny how taught a man to fish. I knew that I could love you You knew that you could hate me now (hate me now) There's like fifty different ways to break it down
9.
Mythril 05:39
I suppose that everybody deserves an explanation For my fakeness and the way I move around the nation Well, that's whole lot easier said then done Lucky for y'all I had a son so now I'll never have to run But I, guess I gotta do it sometime It's time to face the music so I hope you liked the one rhyme You know the one I'm talking bout? Where I compare the words I write to fire... The one where I admit that I'm a liar (and cynic too) A unique ability to see the world through different views Has made me a bit indifferent to the wisdom that you listen to But I'd be one to talk, giving all the complications I've created by evading all the love that I was raised in Can't blame my mom more, at night we tend to hash it out I might pretend I'm actually proud Of the life I haven't rapped about I'm so ashamed that I never said goodbye to Haley I took advantage of Missy she has every right to hate me This is not one of those.."if I say it all then they'll forgive me" songs This is me rewritting history wrong I'll try to say it clearer... This is 20/20 vision glimpsing in the mirror This is me begging you to let me know that you want me nearer This is insignificant, this is not must This is not a person you should trust This is insignificant this is not a must I am not a person you should trust The second verse is just a remake of the first A little darker this time because I'm gifted with a curse I never thought that I would ever get so lost in my entire life Probably restitution for every time I've tried to fight My guiding light and compass don't even help with mazes now Maybe I left my soul somewhere in that crazy town I still think about Sydney from time to time I think I'll call her someday when I'm refined, man I'm trying But, back to clothing all the skeletons in my walk-in Just let me speak my peace and it'll be your turn to talk then Kurt Vonnegut vomiting on a beat he made Telling everyone that he loves again that he just needs a break My cup runeth over, I got carried away These stockbrickers investing in everything I say But... If I was you I probably wouldn't love me either If you need me I'll be right behind your speakers Hold it down for me If you really love me I think you should tell me now Cause I'll never know you love me if you say it to the ground I'm so proud of you... I'm so proud of you... Dear Emil…

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released June 1, 2019

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Ricky Nappi Richmond, Virginia

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